Oneesan
by RandomImagination
Summary: Haibara would repay her. By doing the only two things she could, because she deserved at least that.


Haibara Ai is definintely one of my favorite characters in the DC universe, and in others. The plunnies actually snuck up on me when I got side-tracked writing Impenetrable, and I realized there wasn't any place for it there. Plus, I'm bored.

I really like the idea though. Somehow, I thought Haibara needed more than what she had to cheer her up. Honestly, I think the off-topic section in Impenetrable was better, but I don't remember what I wrote. So you're stuck with this. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own. Seriously, anyone who thinks I do is an idiot.

Read and review onegai.

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I've lived for eighteen years, but it looks like only eight. I've done a lot of things in my life though. I've murdered, whether holding the gun and pulling the trigger myself, or by inventing the poison that shrunk me and Kudo-kun. Even if we hadn't been one-in-a-thousand chances, it's not like that's the only poison I've ever made. I can honestly say that I've only ever raised a gun to another human being and pulled the trigger once.

I don't regret it. I regret very little of it. Besides, if I hadn't, I would've been killed. Like Akemi-oneesan was killed by _them._

I really only regret one thing. Sometimes two, in those now brief, depressed moments when I wished I hadn't been one of those rare cases. When I wished that the Apotoxin 4869 had taken my life, like I planned it to. I also tend to regret, during those times, that my other suicide attempts since have failed. Kudo-kun stopped me those times.

Then I realize I'm being an idiot, and should live in the present, and work on the cure for Kudo-kun. . . and myself, I suppose. I usually stay up working on the cure all night, when that happens. It rarely helps much, except that it saves me the time of trying those things later.

I miss Akemi-oneesan greatly, and when I think about her, she's one of the reasons I haven't committed suicide by now. I'm not sure I believe in the afterlife, and I definitely don't believe in dwelling on the past. But the past does shape who we are in the present. Akemi-oneesan would've wanted me to live, so here I am.

The only thing I truly regret is the fact that I took Kudo-kun away from Mouri-chan by inventing that poison and shrinking him. And she doesn't even know it. He's alive, and has a chance of getting back to her, but he has to lie to her, make her miss him and believe he's fine, but far away.

I wonder if the people who invented this language put the word "lie" in "believe" on purpose.

I know that it's only due to me that Mouri-chan doesn't know right now. I know that that time Kudo-kun was in the hospital and I threatened him with my fake gun, he was going to tell her. Once he'd come to that decision, he'd seemed so peaceful, as if he realized that he could finally stop fighting, and just give in. Tell everything to the woman he loves, the young woman who's been his best friend for years.

I'm glad I stopped him. I'm going to do everything in my power to keep Mouri-chan from finding out the truth. At least while we still have these bodies. Once I have the cure, I won't be able to stop him from telling her, as he inevitably will. I just hope that I do manage to produce the cure, though not entirely for his sake.

The reason I don't want Mouri-chan to know isn't only her safety and my own. A life is precious, and she will be in danger as well, once she knows. Also, the more people that know a secret, the more likely it is to come out.

Mouri-chan reminds me a lot of Akemi-oneesan. I miss my oneesan, and if I were superstitious, I'd think it wasn't coincidence that they resemble each other so much.

However, I'm a scientist. You don't get results by believing in some unknown, unprovable power that may or may not exist out there.

The reason I work so hard on the cure is for the memory of oneesan, but mostly, it's for the sake of Mouri Ran. The biggest reason I regret that I cause Kudo to shrink isn't that he's an okay guy, or trying so hard to make Japan a better place, but because I took her away from Mouri-chan.

They care about each other a lot. They love each other.

I am not blind to the fact that I'm starting to love Kudo-kun as well. It doesn't matter though, that's irrelevant. He has her, and there's nothing wrong with that. I will push my feelings aside, and remain indifferent forever. I don't mind really, maintaining indifference is one thing I'm very good at. Both as a scientist, and in life in general.

It's wrong that she's been forced to hurt, and lied to, but she's still willing to wait for him. Willing to welcome him back with open arms, even if she did know about the lies.

She can't know the truth though. I won't tell her, because I owe her my life.

I don't know why Vermouth didn't kill her. Vermouth is a heartless murderer, but when Mouri-chan jumped out of the car that time at the docks, she was desperately screaming at her ally to stop shooting. And when Mouri-chan jumped on me, to shield me from the bullets, there was no shooting. Only Vermouth, poised to shoot, shouting even more desperately for Mouri-chan to move.

I don't know why Vermouth calls Mouri-chan "Angel", but it suits her. And I'm glad she didn't pull the trigger, for whatever reason.

I think that she shouldn't have done that. She shouldn't have almost died saving me. If I told her so however, Mouri-chan would probably disagree. She'd tried to save me, even against people armed with guns, because she wanted too.

I don't think she even notived Kudo-kun was there. Frankly, I'm glad she didn't, mostly for selfish reasons. He wasn't killed. Yet I still needed - still _wanted _someone to protect me.

Mouri-chan has become something life an older sister figure to me. I'm going to repay her for saving my life, giving me the chance to stay here on Earth. To live for Akemi-oneesan's sake, and to give her another chance to truely be with Kudo-kun, without the facade.

So that's how I'll repay her. By trying to give her that chance. I'm not sure if I will take the cure myself, that'd make it too easy for _them _to find me. That's not the only way I intend to repay her though. I'm going to give her the best gift I can to make up for it.

I'll repay Mouri-chan by never letting her know the truth, for as long as I can prevent it. As much as she cares, she would regret that she essentially saved the life of a murderer, disguised as child. No one's care and ability to forgive was infinite, but also, she deserved better than to know what she's really done by saving my life.

She saved the life of a murderer, and a member of the Black Organization. The scum of the Earth, even if I'm trying to atone, to make up for the lives I've destroyed. She saved the life of the person who destroyed the life of her best friend. In some cases, indirectly doesn't matter. It's just a little detail that fades into the background.

Ironically though, she saved Kudo-kun's one chance at getting his old life back.

However, I'm unworthy of the fact that she saved me. After all I've done to her and so many others, I didn't deserve to be saved.

At least Kudo-kun didn't die, so he can still go back. They can go back to being best friends and move onto being boyfriend and girlfriend. They still have the chance to not be so cruelly stuck as big sister and her adoptive little brother. If I can find the cure, that is. I'm not so sure if I can, but I _will _try.

Mouri-chan may have thought she was defending the life of an innocent little girl, but it's actually quite the opposite. I'm eighteen and already a university graduate. I used to be one of _them. _My hands are bloodied. I invented the poison that took her away from Kudo-kun, and destroyed countless lives. She'd be disgusted if she knew. Probably. Akemi-oneesan, who she reminds me of so much, didn't resent me for what I was. I was still her imouto-san, and she still cared.

Besides, that's not the only thing I owe Mouri-chan for. She's done other things, much greater than anything I can boast, for me and for others.

So telling Mouri-chan would be worse than hiding the truth, which I fully intend to do. I'm not going to bother her with the situation Kudo-kun and I are in, where we fear for our lives. It will probably protect all of us in the end, but I think she has earned better than knowing the truth, since she's not in danger. Kudo-kun wouldn't understand, he believes so strongly in the truth. I decided long ago, no one outside of me will ever know my motivations for all the work I've done and the fact that I'm still living. Only I'll ever know.

Another reason is that I think she'd try to save either one of us, even if she knew. Even if she had to risk her life to save us. Mouri-chan's just like that.

I think I might be trying to replace the emptiness Akemi-oneesan's death left in my heart, but I feel alone. Replacements are never the same as the original though, not that they are always worth any less.

So in a way, I think Mouri-chan has become like ab oneesan to me. I will repay my debt, and give Kudo-kun back to her. More than that though, I will do what I must to hide the truth from her eyes.

For now though, I thank you, Ran-oneesan.


End file.
